About Me

            I’ve come to realize that Hollywood is stealing my ideas.  The worse part about it, is that they’re screwing it up.  So, as I sit here wearing my tinfoil hat I wonder if it’s going to keep them out, or just strengthen the signal? 

            So, about 2 years ago I had this idea about doing a remake of Death Race 2000.  Obviously, it can’t be as full out crazy like the original one was.  Isn’t it odd how the more we “advance” the less tolerant we become?  Think about some of the movies and tv shows from the 80’s that nowadays would be completely decried by the public.  Moving on.  Now, I’m not a fan of remakes.  As a whole they don’t work.  Some things need to stay the way they are.  You only have 2 approaches with remakes.  One, you “re-imagine” and modernize it.  Which is basically taking everything that made it watchable in the first place and throwing it out the window.  Two, is to completely remake the movie.  In which case, you might as well watch the original.  Now, most of what we’re getting in the way of remakes now are horror movies from the 80’s.  Anyone who’s done they’re homework knows why these movies were popular then, and that they can’t be redone in a modern setting.  Watch Going to Pieces: The Rise and Fall of the Slasher Film and The American Nightmare.  These movies give you the history of horror movies and says why they can’t be remade.  The sad part about this is that many of the people that go to see these movies aren’t even aware that they’re remakes. 

            There are a few exceptions to this rule.  There always are.  Sometimes a good movie is so dated that it’s hard to see past the hippie beaded vests, bell-bottom pants, and polyester suits.  These movies need to be updated for modern audiences.  Now going back to this damn itchy hat…  Death Race wasn’t a great movie to begin with, but there was something about it that could be made into something better.  This is the main reason to remake something.  If you can make it better.  That doesn’t mean you should go out and find everything half-assed movie from the past 30 years and try to make it grand.  Still, I’m getting off track.  So, I decided to take this tongue-in-cheek movie about a cross country race where the contestants run people over for sport and make it something better, while keeping its heart intact, i.e. running people over for sport.  So, while I’m putting it all together in my head, I learn that they were already developing a Death Race remake.  Well, we all know how that turned out.  Honestly, did someone really think that was a sound concept for a movie?  Almost every prisoner in the world is thinking, “Man, if I had a car, a weapon, and a hot chick I’d be outta here.”  And we all know that prison is filled with hot chicks.  You should see the girls in my Women of Rikers Island calendar.  “Hey, prisoner #00153729.  I’ll see you in 5 to 10.” 

            So, around the same time, The Incredible Shrinking Man came on tv.  So I said, hmm, that could use some modernizing.  Now, I’m a fan of the original, but it’s not a great movie.  It could be, with a little more depth, and a change in perspective.  Not as fully fleshed out as my Death Race, it was really coming along.  As the character shrinks, his perspective changes.  You see how the change in size affects the way he sees the world.  When he’s around 4 inches tall everything looks enormous to him.  What he used to view as his everyday household items become something more to him now.  His house becomes a foreign land.  A couch with a knitted arm cover to him is now a mountain with hanging vines.  Shag carpet is now like walking through a wheat field.  A ten foot trek to the kitchen is now a half a day’s journey.  At one point he finds an M&M on the floor, but to him it’s like a coconut.  It’s enough food to last him a day or more, but he can’t get through the candy shell.  At one point he climbs up on the ottoman and falls asleep, and when he wakes up, he’s shrunk a little more, and now has to figure out how to get down.  Try this experiment to help you get a better idea.  Go to the dollar store and get a 12 inch fashion doll, a 3 ½ inch action figure, and a plastic toy soldier.  Start with the fashion doll and walk her around the house.  Look at her size in proportion to everything else.  Have her climb up to the top of the stairs, or to the top of the couch.  Now switch to the action figure.  Make them climb down and walk the same path as the doll.  Now switch to the toy soldier.  Pretty interesting, huh?  Imagine viewing a cricket at doll size, then action figure, then toy soldier.  It would scare the hell out of me.  Well…

            All that’s going to pot now that Hollywood is remaking it for a 2010 release starring Eddie Murphy.  Yes, it’s going to be a comedy.  Or, as much of a comedy that Eddie Murphy makes anymore.  Vast potential for something grand, squandered. 

            I’m not as upset that they’re stealing these ideas from my brain.  If you’re going to take it, then take all of it, not just a little of it.  Just gleaming the idea and running with it is like trying to watch scrambled porn.  You can’t tell if you’re looking at a boob, an elbow, a butt, or a knee. 

            So… Another movie enters my head, and I said: “Hey, that would be good to update.”  I’ve even mentioned it to a few people who’ve never even heard of the original.  Sorry, not telling for now.  Check out my Death Race idea and let me know what you think.  Whew!  This hat is making my head sweat. 


Jerale C


1 Comment »

  1. If only they’d stolen your ideas about the Ghost Rider movie!

    Comment by Jadielady — March 24, 2009 @ 10:28 pm

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